Good Luck, Helga G Pataki
by That Little Ginger
Summary: You know, when I was younger, I always thought that if you wished upon a star for something that you really really wanted, it would come true. Now I know that wishing on stars won't get you anywhere, but if it means I can make it back through high school without ruining my chances with Arnold, I just might wish on a few stars. All I can say is good luck, Helga G. Pataki!
1. Prologue

**And so the comeback story of my career begins! This will eventually become a ArnoldxHelga story at some point in time. For now, enjoy the story! And if you'd like, please tell me what you think/what I should change/improve, etc. Thank you!**

You know, when I was younger, I always thought that if you wished upon a star for something that you really _really _wanted, it would come true. Now I know that wishing on stars won't get you anywhere. In fact, wishing on a star is like wishing on a big ball of gas millions of miles away. Might as well wish on your own farts since they're closer, right?

I stopped believing in destiny and magic a long time ago. That stuff's for little prissies who frolic around in prissy little dresses and smile all the time. I'm a rationalist. Why sugarcoat the complexity of life with sunshine and rainbows?

Now you might be wondering why I'm such a Negative Nancy. The answer is simple. It all comes down to the love of my life – Arnold. Everything about that boy could light a fire inside of me and make me melt into a glob of unsuspecting passion. Thing is, I'm the roughest, toughest girl you'll ever set your eyes across. Not only am I extremely awesome and better than everybody else in every way, shape, and form, but I'm also the strongest, fastest, and smartest kid in the world. A paragon such as myself couldn't simply admit my feelings for Arnold. No. That would upset the balance of the world.

But what did I care? I told that sucker my feelings when we were nine after I helped him practically save the town from complete and utter destruction. We kissed, granted it was mostly me doing the work, and that's history. By now you're wondering _well what the hell? She got her happy ending! That doesn't answer my question._ Well listen up, bucko. I'm not finished with my story.

After the kiss, we agreed that it all happened in the heat of the moment. I know Arnold isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he just couldn't wrap himself around the idea that somebody as perfect as me could love him... What am I saying?

I'm the furthest thing from perfect, and everybody knows it. My sister has never been short of perfect since the day she was born. I, on the other hand, always had millions and millions of flaws. I guess that's why Arnold is so amazing. He doesn't care about those flaws; he embraces them. To top it all off, he himself is perfect.

Arnold is the most perfect human being you can ever meet. He's sweet, funny, charming, and empathetic. He's a friend that will always be there if anybody needs him. That's what I love about him. As for me… Well I'm not exactly the nicest girl on the block. I was the local bully that nobody ever wanted to mess with. I could never be enough for Arnold. He's too… flawless. Even after I kissed him, he accepted my apology and did nothing to make me feel awkward or bad. In fact, after the incident, we went back to our daily routine. Spit balls, yelling, same old, same old.

Then Big Bob told me the _fantastic _news. Ol-ga landed a role as an actress in a new TV show in LA, and we had to go with her to _support_ her while she settled in. It didn't matter that I was going to get awards at school for English or that I had a graduation from elementary. The only thing that mattered was supporting _Ol-ga_ like a _good family_ should.

She became pretty popular with the media, and everybody ate up her story of teaching little snot-nosed eskimos what two plus two is. Olga got rich, popular, famous – how could I compare? I was her ugly little sister that was always sitting by herself, writing in an old, worn-out notebook. I was nothing compared to her.

But then things got better. Olga's manager saw some kind of potential in me. I still don't know what he saw because the only thing you could see was the unibrow staring right at ya. Anyways, he signed me up for this gig as a model for a mall; I could really care less. They said I was an amazing model that just needed a bit of tweaking, so the guy went ahead and did what no man should ever do if he wants to keep his pretty little face. That's right. He brought me to a salon and had them completely change me. The worst part about it was that I had no say in what I would look like.

By the end of the day, I had two eyebrows, my hair was layered with side bangs, and my skin was tanned. At first, I hated the change. I didn't look like myself. I was one of those Barbie dolls put on display for the perfume department. I had all kinds of shame for that. However, I couldn't help but notice that they were right. I looked pretty. For once I actually looked good. Then, I was signed up for another gig. People liked my look. I'm not the most radiant flower in the patch, but I was decent enough to make it as a model. My face was _ehh_, but my body… Well I definitely should thank my love for sports.

I was signed up to do bikini modeling and the shots were gorgeous. At least, that's what my parents told me when they received the paycheck for my photos. Now they had two daughters to brag about – Olga and Olga.

I took on the modeling business and got a hoot out of it. I was only 14 when they signed me up, but I was rocking it like those older teens. I did my duty as a model and got the money to prove it. When I finally got used to this lifestyle, Olga just had to go ahead and switch it up again.

After a few years of living in LA and doing professional work, _Ol-ga_ decided she wanted to live the simple life. Of course, _Mommy _and _Daddy_ couldn't refuse the request of their perfect daughter who is now engaged to a rich, handsome producer, so now I'm on a plane flying back to Hillwood. It isn't exactly a pretty sight to see my sister snuggling up with her soon-to-be hubby, Tim, so I've been spending my flight looking out the window and contemplating life. That's when I saw the shooting star and this entire conversation happened.

I can't really say I'm too excited about going back to Hillwood. I didn't exactly leave the best impression when I left. Helga G. Pataki, the nasty bully of PS 118 is back and ready to induce terror in the hearts of young children. The only person who would be excited about me coming back would be Phoebe, and she probably skipped enough grades to graduate high school by now.

And then there's Arnold. Unless he moved his flawless self somewhere else, he'll be at Hillwood, and I'll have to suffer the pain of desiring him from afar yet again. The pain I would have if he's taken by some gorgeous girl who's perfect in every way that he is. Please, please don't let him be taken! Sweet lord or Buddha or whoever you are up there, please let my pain from Arnold be at a minimal!

You can say that this flight has been nerve-wrecking. I would say it's as bad as purgatory. I can only hope that things will go well from here on. In ten minutes, the plane will be landing. In ten minutes, I'll be back in my hometown. In ten minutes, I'll be one step closer to possibly seeing the love of my life yet again.

Now, my story begins. It's been seven long, long years since I've last been to Hillwood. I can only imagine what will happen to me next. If I'm being watched over, I won't gather much attention, and I can blend into the routine of high school without a single person noticing. If not… Well good luck, Helga G. Pataki.


	2. And you are?

**I like reviews. They make the world go 'round.**

**Hopefully I didn't make a mistake when I made the ages for everybody. The whole gang should be in their Junior year right now.**

**Chapter 1: And you are...?**

I think that school is for chumps. I go to a large building to learn about stuff I could really care less about. Math and science are the worst subjects in the world. Gee, the Pythagorean Theorem sure is necessary in life! I should definitely know that inertia is a property of matter. This stuff is essential for life-lessons. _NOT._**  
**

I can't help being in a nasty mood today. It's bad enough that I'm back at Hillwood and trudging up the street to get to school, but I forgot my lucky purple pen back at home. At least, that's what my parents tell me to call it. My _real_ home is back in California right next to the beach. The nice house with a roof that gives an amazing view of the sunset. The roof with the slight indent that I can sit on and relax. The place where I go to when I want to think... When I want to write. But I digress.

Each step I took was like a painful step forward towards my soon-to-be hellhole. My worn-out vans harshly stomp on the ground, and I'm sure that I get a few stares here and there. It doesn't bother me. They can whisper and stare all they want. It's not like I care.

I take a right turn and watch as I see more kids walking along the sidewalk with me. They're all in little groups, chatting away. It shouldn't bother me that I'm the only person walking by myself, but it does. I start to become self-conscious about what I'm doing. I straighten out my back and walk with my head held a bit higher. I refuse to make eye contact with anybody as my pace begins to hasten. It feels as if my footsteps are getting louder and louder; I can feel the eyes of every single person on me. Beads start to form on my forehead and I swiftly wipe them away as I breeze through the street and make yet another turn.

My grip on my backpack tightens, and I decide to stare straight ahead. I know where the school is. I can get there without having to pay too much attention. _Just think of happy thoughts, ol' girl. That's right. _I tell myself. My pace dies down a bit as I feel myself breathing easier. My grip loosens and I take another deep breath as I pass by more kids. If I can just ac normally, everything will be just fine.

I can see the entrance to the school, and my heartbeat starts to quicken. I can't help but get self-conscious again. I tug at my loose pink shirt and mentally curse myself for not wearing a jacket. One of my shoulders is exposed, and I start to feel indecent. I should put my hair down to cover up my shoulders. That would make it better, right?

I quickly bring my hands up to pull off my ponytail, and my long hair cascades down. I frantically push some hair over my shoulder as I harshly comb my fingers through knotted strands of tussled blond hair. I would've felt better if it weren't for a loud wolf whistle I heard to my right. I turned my head around to see a group of guys making idiotic sounds at me.

"Hey baby, haven't seen you around!"

"I'd like to see you in my bed, girl! Lookin' fine as hell!"

"Mm, girl. Why don't you walk that fine body over here so we can talk?"

My face burns as I gawk at the boys, and it seems to gain the attention of quite a bit of the school body. My mind is racing with devilish thoughts; there is a never ending list of things that I could do to those boys to make them pay. I might have worked as a model, but that didn't mean I forgot how to kick a sorry boy's ass.

I can feel my eyebrows twitch in annoyance as the group starts to get louder. One of them brushes off his pants as he walks towards me with a smug smirk set on his smug-ass little face. He has a stupid walk while places his hands in his pocket and gradually comes to a complete stop in front of me. He runs a hand through his thick brown hair and looks at me with his piercing green eyes. I can feel my face scrunch up in disgust as he places his hand in front of me to take.

"Name's Sam. I'd like to know the name of the lady with a fine body such as yours," he told me with a wink. I inwardly gagged at his attempt to be suave and took his hand, squeezing it as hard as I could.

"None of your business, Captain Swag," I say as I finally let go of his crushed hand. I turn on my heel and try to walk away without jumping that idiot until he grabs my shoulder. _Idiot._

"Now, now, beautiful. Is that the way to treat a gentleman such as mysel-" he started right as I twisted his hand. He yelled out in pain as I let go and glared at him.

"How about you leave me alone, dipshit?" I say with an annoyed tone. There goes my hopes of making it through one day without cussing. He hugs his hand closer to himself as he closes the distance between us. Our faces are mere inches from each other as he glares at me.

"You'll change your mind after a date, gorgeous," he insisted. I could feel his arms moving around me. I grabbed them before he could grope me and dug my nails into his arms as I pushed my face closer to him.

"I'd like to see you try, Pretty Boy."

I threw his arms down and walked away with clenched fists. I couldn't stand boys like that. I was about to flip my shit, and that wouldn't make a pretty impression on the first day. I begrudgingly walked up the steps into the school building and could feel the curious eyes on me. I saw the kids around me whispering as I passed by them.

"That's the girl."

"Sam must be pissed."

"She IS pretty hot, though."

"Crazy chick."

"I'll show you crazy," I whispered to myself as I irritatingly walked up towards the door that read 'Office'.

I walked up to the lady at the front desk and impatiently sighed. She was on the computer doing who knows what when I made another loud sigh. She looked up at me and looked back at her monitor. Her long, red hair curled around her slightly aged face. Her features were a bit sharp, and she seemed to have an amused expression on her face.

"Look, lady. I need my schedule."

"My, my. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or are you always that rude?" she replied in an unaffected tone. I could see the smirk on her face as I took another deep breath and tried again.

"Gee willikers, Ma'am. I'm new to this school, and it would be awfully disappointing if I happened to miss every single class because a crazy lady wouldn't give me my schedule," I used in an annoyingly high-pitched voice that reminded me of that annoying little prissy-pants... What's her face? Lea?... No... Lola... No...

"Lila, could you get this _poor wittle girl_ her schedule printed out?" the lady yelled from behind. Her long nails swiftly gnashed about the keyboard; she wasn't even looking at the freaking screen. Her gaze was directed towards me as she raised an eyebrow and motioned me closer.

"Coming, Ms. Gould!" a sugary-sweet voice rang from across the room. My heart stopped, and my body froze. No. NO. Please, whoever is in charge of the universe, please please PLEASE don't let it be her!

A pretty girl with long auburn hair in a waterfall braid, cute freckles on her soft face, and a skinny little body that would make boys run for their money walked over to the desk. She wore a sweet smile on her face while she held her hands behind her back. Her long eyelashes covered her warm hazel eyes that scrutinized my every move. _Shit._

I took a step back from the sudden shock of seeing Ms. Perfect again. If she's still as smart as she is pretty, then I'm really going to be hating the very ground she walks on. I saw her lean towards me with a curious look on her face, and it seemed as if she was trying to remember something. If she didn't recognize me, I would be fine. I could just grab my schedule and hurry on up before the perfect little princess could say another word.

"Oi, I'd like my schedule, Ms. _Gouda_," I said as I rolled my eyes and extended my hand for the piece of paper. Ms. Gould shook her head with a smile on her face and asked Lila to hand me the schedule.

"There you are, Blondie. Have an _outstanding_ day," she said with extreme sarcasm as she returned to her business on the computer. I think I'm starting to like this woman after all.

Right when I thought the coast was clear, I reached out to take my schedule from Lila and watched as my only opening to ditching Lila came to a close. Her eyes darted to my schedule as she handed it to me. Time slowed down as she extended the page towards me.

"Here you go," _Oh crap, oh crap, "_Hel-Helga?"

Everything froze for a moment as I contemplated what to say. I could turn around and run away as fast as I could. I'm pretty sure Lila isn't as athletic as I am. I could outrun her. She took another step closer and smiled a smile that I couldn't refuse. Gross. I'm getting weak. I crossed my arms in annoyance to cover up my disappointment and shame. "What's it to ya?" I replied angrily.

"Oh gosh! It really IS you!" She squealed as she came even closer and gave me a warm hug. God, I really don't understand this girl. Her eyes glittered with excitement as she let go and read through my schedule. _Damn. _There goes my chance to make a break for it. I shifted my weight onto one leg and simply glared at her as she looked up at me. I couldn't help but feel as if she was gawking at me now.

"You look so... different!" she finally said to me. After a moment her face flushed a bit and hastily replied, "In a good way! I didn't mean to offend you! You just look oh so lovely now. Your features softened up and now you're oh so much prettier!" Quickly, she started picking up her items from another desk as she continued to blabber on about something.

Sweet mercy, I shouldn't have to deal with her BS. I bet she's lying through her teeth. My gut's telling me that I should just leave while I still have my dignity left, but something keeps me rooted. My eyes lock onto a small picture in front of her binder, and my heart stops. Sensing my feelings, Lila looks down at her binder and gasps a bit as she places a hand over the godforsaken picture. My eyebrows furrow in irritation and I can feel my foot tapping in anxiety.

"Listen, _Princess. _I have a classes to go to, people to see. You're wasting my time. And if you think that you need to apologize for having a stupid picture like that, there's no need. I'm not hopelessly in love with the football-headed idiot like you probably think. Doi! Outta my way before I pummel you for standing there and staring. Yeesh," I blabbered. I quickly walked out of the office and started to run when I knew I was out of her sight. She would not see me being weak. Not on my first day back. Not ever.

But UGH! She just HAD to have a picture of her and Arnold together in front of her binder. It just HAD to be a picture of the two of them kissing. They just HAD to be the cutest couple that everybody probably thinks is adorable and cute and FRICK. I JUST _HAD _TO RUN INTO _HER._

I scanned my schedule that got crumpled up in my hand and skimmed through the info until I read found my locker number. 206. I gripped my backpack and trailed through the bustling hallway. I probably looked like a freak, running out of the office like that. Nobody really seemed to mind that much, though.

After a few minutes of exploring, I finally found my locker near a large staircase. Hm. Weird. Two stories. I entered my combo, which is easier said than done, and placed my items into the small locker. Taking out the creased paper, I read the information that would tell me my first class. AP Language with Mrs. Prior. A187.

Sure, my day started off horribly wrong. Sure, it was a pretty jacked up experience having to see Ms. Perfect in the flesh yet again. But, this was just the beginning of the day. It'll probably get even more crappy. I'll just have to deal with it for about another year and a half. That's not so bad. That's less than the amount of time of two pregnancies, right? No wait... It's about the same... Either way, it's better than three!

Positive thinking. That's what Tim told me to try out. Maybe that can help me out.

Then I remembered. Phoebe might be here. She might have the same classes as me. Well... the hard ones. A small smile came across my face, and I'm sure a Freshman saw it and shrunk back in fear. Ha! If finding Pheebs is my only ray of hope, I'm going to spend as much time as I can trying to find her! Determination coursed through my veins and I felt like a freaking beast! I could get through this without breaking a sweat. Early morning was just a small setback to my absolutely amazing comeback into this lame town.

I took a step forward and suddenly regretted everything I ever said, thought, and done. You couldn't mistake this boy for anybody else. If there was a list of people I wouldn't want to crash into, he would be on this list. Everything happened so fast, I'm not entirely sure if I was imagining it all or not.

Tall hair boy falling on top of me and my back was inches from the ground. This is the part where Prince Charming catches me right before I fall, right? WRONG. I fell right onto my back, followed my the full force of the now muscular giant Tall Hair boy crashing onto my stomach. All of the air in my lungs was flung out and I was gasping for air. The pain was horrifying, stinging, and so bad that it started numbing. I closed my eyes from the pain of it all and kept trying to breathe as I attempted to push the huge boy off of me.

"OH CRAP! I AM SO SO SORRY!" he quickly apologized as he realized that he was squishing me to a slow and painful death. He picked himself up and bent down to give me a hand. Stupid idiot, not watching where the hell he was going. I have the right mind to yell at him! But! He offered me a hand, so I'll wait until AFTER he gives me an apology to see if it will be deemed worthy or not.

"You have ten seconds to apologize or I'll be leaving a trail of the blood of the so-called innocent," I coughed out. That wasn't as intimidating as I expected it to be. Whatever. The loser still seemed shocked.

"Mmm mmm mmm, I wouldn't want to face that, now would I? Hahahahaha, you're pretty chill. You new around here 'er something? I can show you around if ya want," he answered right as the bell rang through the school. I jumped at the sudden sound and regretted it. The idiot started laughing again, and all I wanted to do is smack his smug little face to the ground.

"Listen, Buck-o! I don't care if you happen to be King of the school, I will personally skin you and nail your bleeding body to a wall to suffer if you decide to laugh at me again!" Instead of stopping, he just started laughing even more. The nerve of this freaky-haired idiot! He placed his hand on my shoulder and turned me around so that we started walking.

"Mmm mmmmmm. I like you. You got English next, yeah?" How the hell did he know that? And right on cue, he pointed down at my hand where my schedule could be seen. I stupidly pushed it into my pocket and brushed his hand off of my shoulder.

"Whatever," I mumbled as I silently cursed the idiot walking next to me. He continued to smile as he placed his hands behind his head.

"You know, you really remind me of somebody. Hmm..." he trailed off. I could only roll my eyes at how stupid he just sounded. Thanks for remembered my, doofus. Glad to know I held a spot in your precious, precious heart. Sarcasm's my outlet. Don't judge.

We finally reached the classroom and started filing into the room. Tall Hair Boy walked over to a desk and beckoned me over. Right as I was about to reach him, a voice called out from behind.

"Gerald!"

I turned around and regretted everything. I regretted going to the school. I regretted going to the office. I regretted going to my locker. I regretted turning around. I regretted bumping into the idiot. And now I regret seeing him. Especially now that he has his arm around another girl.


End file.
